haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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