At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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