I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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