Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want nice things and good sex
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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