woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
