Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
