Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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