I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
