but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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