I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
