I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
