i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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