Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
