So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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