drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The power of my boobs compel you
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
