I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
