I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
