my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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