i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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