I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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