She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
