so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
