Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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