Your tits are I can't wait for
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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