do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
