too bad you live with your parents still
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
