i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
