great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
