she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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