omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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