Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
