The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
