he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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