Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
