I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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