I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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