this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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