Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
