First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
