Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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