two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize