I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
