she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
