I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
