I'm going to jail i love you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
