is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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