On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
