so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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