i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
