I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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