AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
