That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
