is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
