Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He better not be in your backpack
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
