A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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