Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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