the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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