Your dad touched me again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
