I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
