Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
