I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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