grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
