we have officially lost it.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
