I like to think it a success when the cops are called
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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