just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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