You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
