My nipple is on Facebook.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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